Speaking Success International

Want a Date this Valentine’s Day – because Cupid isn’t Stupid. Want to give a winning job interview? Learning the skills for how to build trust in 90 seconds or less can win both.

People don’t often realize that when they meet someone for the first time they evaluate each other within 90 seconds in 4 ways on a super-alert subconscious level.

The instant people meet someone new in any situation they evaluate them with two absolutely crucial appraisals that have to do with assessing their safety: “I do/do not feel safe with them” and “I do/do not trust them”. Here are the consequences and solutions:

Depending on how they feel at their decision People make a snap ‘blink-of-the-eye’ decision whether to open up further or shut the other person right down.

To be successful at work and career or dating people need to know how to manage those first few seconds.

Those who are dating, speed dating, job hunting, networking or business socializing will have more success from knowing the four ways we evaluate each other in 90 seconds. Managing these 4 evaluations will grow relationships the way they are wanted to grow faster and easier.

Top professional speaking coach Dianne Legro offers the following 5 tips on how to connect instantly with others with confidence and ease so people can maximize their chances of producing the favorable results they want.

1. Watch Your Attitude — The very first quality we register about another person is their attitude. The good news for those of you who dread socializing, are not natural networkers, or interviewees or are nervous daters is that you can choose you attitude!

The top three attitudes to choose (that test with highest responses) are enthusiasm, curiosity, and humility. So go ahead and choose one of these three the next time you feel challenged socially or romantically and you will start off strong.

The number one trait most admired by others is your health and vitality. This means simply “are you bringing energy into the room or are you taking it out. Are you contributing to life or are you not?” This is #1 trait people admire in each other.

2. Make and Maintain Your Eye Contact – The second ‘trust’ evaluation people make when they meet you is based on your eye contact.

Offer an open gaze, neutral and friendly and focused on the other person. When you meet and shake hands it is imperative that you maintain a welcoming connected gaze.

The consequences are dire. I have clients who have canceled major business deals because eye contact was diverted when the partners first met. The future partner was perceived as untrustworthy and the deal opportunity was lost.

3. Relax and Smile When You Speak – The third quality people evaluate is the voice. Is your speaking voice relaxed, resonant, expressive, vital inviting? Clients sometimes hire me because their voices are the opposite of these things. I fix men and women’s high pitched, nasal, annoying, immature sounding and tight voices because it has is cost them business and relationships. Telemarketers know this fact- on the phone people decide to do business with you in 10 seconds or less based on the sound of your voice. The fastest way to warm and enliven the voice is to smile when you are speaking. Place a mirror by your phone with a note attached that says Smile! Watch yourself and guide yourself to speaking with a smile. People can hear it and they will treat you more invitingly. Breathe deeply in your abdomen instead of high in the chest. It helps your voice to drop in to your body when your voice is stuck in your throat and feeling and sounding tight.

4. Control Your Hands and Gestures Finally, your gestures and body language speak volumes about you. You are constantly speaking non verbally and what you are not aware you are saying could be turning people off.

The first thing about body language to remember is that people trust people who seem to be like them.

Learn to mirror the person you are talking with. If they have a distinctive posture, subtly mirror that posture, watch for their voice pitch and speed, their style of humor and speaking style.

They will bond with you faster and consider dating you because you seem to be like them.

5. Express Yes! Here is a very special interview and dating tip: When you are asking someone a question nod your head up and down. As they answer you continue nodding. This single action communicates interest and support for a person. They will answer you with a more positive unguarded response, they will enjoy the interaction with you more and their trust of you will continue to go up.

Where does this take people? More Easily into “The Cupid Zone!”, where feelings and emotions are engaged.

The gains to you of practicing these characteristics and behaviors is that they shape who you will become in powerful positive ways. Perhaps you become someone who welcomes others warmly, listens more intently, smiles more often, contributes and brings life and energy into the room . You will no longer have to remember “tips’ on how to be… because you become them. You become a person that others want to be around, do business with and even fall in love with.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Dianne Legro, speaker, author, top speaking coach and popular media guest is CEO of Speaking Success International. Dianne is an expert on performance and presentation skills. Coming from a background on Broadway, she is hailed as “The Star Power Speaking Coach”. She coaches executives, entrepreneurs, authors to become brilliant public speakers with her process for star power presentation skills and communication skills. She has spoken to over a million people worldwide on passion, how to give outstanding performances everyday. Dianne is an in demand international keynote speaker and presenter. Find out more at www.speakingsuccessinternational.com

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